lesson 7: set boundaries
it's so easy to say yes, to want to please those around you. but what we forget, especially as young women, is that our life is up to us to take charge of! i'm not saying be selfish, but you do need to put yourself first. you get to make the choices that make you happy. let's start with the office. the office landscape has changed over the last decade to embrace open floor plans, fun common areas and lounges, stocked kitchens, and sometimes games. a lot has been said about this new office layout and how it affects productivity. i'm not an expert in office layouts, but i do know a thing or two about doing what you need to do for you, to get your work done, and still have fun.
- physical boundaries and signals: earbuds (even if you have no music playing). it's a visual physical cue that you're focusing. sit in a quiet isolated space instead of your shared desk. if you're laptop-attached, you could also leave the office for an hour or two (depending on your work culture) and find a change of scenery with wi-fi.
- time boundaries: say no to meetings, or ask colleagues to make a needed meeting, shorter, and to have an agenda or a goal, too.
- people boundaries: this is the hardest one. everyone has different working styles, but whether it's someone who works for you, a peer, or a boss, it's ok to set clear expectations about how you like to work and also listen to how the other person likes to work. meet in the middle.
- stand up for yourself: whether it was something you were promised in your hiring process, or a well-deserved raise, a title change you think you've earned, make sure you fight for yourself.
- the abstract: as my mom told me when i started my career at Estee Lauder, you don't need to over-explain yourself. everyone has a life outside of work. if you need to do an errand, or go to the doctor, or take a nap on your desk with the door closed (yes, i'm outing you mom), you do you.
“being clear and direct, and knowing what you want, is not being mean.”
setting limits you're comfortable with is also critical in your personal finances. finances and budgeting is complicated, especially when you barely make enough money to pay rent. everyone has a different approach and money is something that is hyper-personal, so don't judge how others approach this topic. do what's right for you.
- the main rule of thumb, spend less than you earn. simple, i know, but when you get invited to weddings and birthday parties, and trips, it's good to know your budget and know your limits.
- save for a rainy day. there are varying guidelines on this, but if you can save 3-6 months worth of fixed expenses (rent, food, utilities), that's a good benchmark, especially early in life. saving more is always better, but also set realistic goals.
- if your company offers a 401(k) plan, you're lucky, especially if they match any percentage of your contribution. if you can put even just 2% of every paycheck away, that will add up over time. if your company doesn't offer a 401(k) plan, make your own! talk to your bank and see what options you could use to help you save a little bit each month. stay disciplined.
- get educated on non-salaried ways to earn. whether that's using a platform like Wealthfront, or just learning how investments work and trying something low risk like a mutual fund, there are other ways to earn money, especially medium to long-term.
lastly, manage your relationships in a way that makes you happy. from family, to friends, romantic interests, and colleagues, know your own approach to relationships.
- it's ok to say no to plans without offering a lengthy reason why you're not in the mood to do that thing, see that person, or go to that place. a simple, "sorry, i can't make it, but definitely next time" is more than ample.
- know when you need some alone time. i'm an old soul and used to feel guilty saying no to plans to go out in my single days, but i'm also content to be home and watch a movie or read a book and feel completely happy. having balance is key.
- know what matters to you and set those expectations up front. if you'd rather workout than make plans, or you'd rather do drinks on a first date instead of dinner, just say that, or just direct the conversation in a positive way and suggest what you'd prefer. you do not always need to say yes.
- if you live with someone (roommate, friend, sibling, signifiant other) who you're close with, it's also important to know how to set boundaries in the home.
if there's nothing else you've learned from this, i hope you realize you're empowered to take charge of your life, no matter what that means to you.
photo cred: jackie stauffer @ rockaway beach
