lesson 9: the company you keep

they say a lot can be said about someone based on the company they keep. your inner circle, your #squad, or maybe you're a guys' girl (or a guy!). who you hang out with, go out with, spend time with...your network helps you grow and change. friendship is one of those fluid intangibles. as you migrate from high school to college, to post-college and then eventually (if you're so inclined) to the world of coupledom, friendships will change. the best advice i can give is to roll with it. every relationship should be a two-way street. i'm a pretty black and white person, and relationships are by no means, black and white, however i think it's a good exercise to make sure you know what's important to you in a relationship. a few tips i've found helpful over the years. 

1. if a friendship is a lot of work there's probably a fundamental issue that needs addressing, or maybe it's not the right relationship, at least for that moment. it should just be fun and easy and rewarding.
2. know that real lifelong relationships can take many forms. for example some of my best friends i don't talk to on the phone that often (i blame geography and life), but when we do it's always the same as where we left off, and same when we travel to see each other. other friends i might text with or email with daily or weekly. it doesn't really matter, just know that as you grow and life changes (from dancing on bars to baby showers) your relationship might take a different form, but it doesn't mean it's better or worse. 
3. this is a tough one, but trim the fat. if a friendship just isn't doing it for you, don't feel pressured to make it something that it's not. if you don't want to be friends with someone, you don't have to be. you may grow out of a friendship (no fireworks, no drama, or maybe there is drama) and that's ok. some relationships only work in a time and place, and might not make the transition successfully from college to post-college to grown-up life. 
4. contrary to #3, gain some weight! it's ok to make new friends. in fact, i'd make it mandatory for yourself to grow and evolve your relationships and meet new people. say hi to someone in your neighborhood trader joe's, or in your yoga class. go to happy hour with your colleagues (some of my best friends, and my husband, i met at work), or let your mom set you up on "friend" dates (thanks mom). 
5. worry about quality not quantity. this might not be true for everyone, so as always, do what's best for you, but i'd say it's better to have fewer friends, but know that those friends have your back, than a large network of a lot of superficial relationships. 

photo cred: dana stripling photography @ diamond mills, saugerties, ny